People across the land will today be gorging on pancakes to mark that time that their Lord and Saviour ate some pancakes with his pals, or something like that.
Shrove Tuesday will see many families gathering to devour pancakes whilst considering the period of Lent ahead of them until Easter, somberly reflecting on their transgressions as they shovel pancakes full of sugar and Nutella into their mouths.
“It’s important not to forget the Christian origins behind Shrove Tuesday,” explained pancake enthusiast Simon Williams.
“Whatever those were, exactly – I can’t remember. Something to do with Jesus, or his trial led by Pontius Pancake, probably.”
Rev. Christopher James, Bishop of Little Arseworth, told us, “There are no specific references to pancakes in the Bible, true, and Shrove Tuesday began around a thousand years after Christ walked the earth, but it’s probably got something to do with Christianity, I expect.
“Same goes for Christmas, which we celebrate nowhere near the actual date of Jesus’ birth, but involves plenty of tasty food, right?
“I’m a fan of the classic sugar and lemon juice filling for my pancakes, all washed down with a nice bit of communion wine to make the whole thing properly holy.”