Following the confirmed failure of the fundraiser to ring Big Ben for Brexit for £500,000, an Anglican priest has offered to use the bells of his church to mark the event for the low, low price of fifty thousand pounds.
“It’s time for my church to reach out to the Brexiteer community,” explained Revd. Simon Williams of the Church of St Nigel the Boozy, “Specifically, into their pockets.”
He went on, “I’m confident we’ll reach our target in record time – the Church of England has a long record of separating insecure pensioners from their money so this should be like shooting fish in a barrel.”
When asked to justify the £50,000 price tag for ringing the church bells which already operate daily, Revd. Williams replied, “As I say to my congregation every Sunday at collection time, don’t stop to think about it rationally, just hand over your money.
“It’s not like the idea of spending money on stuff like this is anything particularly new to these people; if they really thought long and hard about what happens to the money in their pocket they wouldn’t have voted for Brexit in the first place.”
With donations already flooding into the fundraiser, and the bells of St Nigel’s now looking likely to ring in the Age of Brexit, Tory MP Mark Francois expressed his enthusiasm, telling reporters, “on Friday evening I’ll be swollen with national pride, waiting for 11pm with the well-polished equipment a few strokes away from the long-awaited climax.
“Now what’s this I hear about a bell?”