With Brexit day fast approaching Jacob Rees-Mogg is gearing up for the party of the century; the nineteenth century.
As a man without a proper job Jacob Rees-Mogg is experiencing a brand new feeling – he can’t wait for the weekend to begin.
Friday night is when the UK leaves the EU and the celebrations are going to be, appropriately enough, completely insane.
“Let me tell you – if you didn’t come to party don’t bother knocking on my door,” said Rees-Mogg, referring to the bash being held on Friday at his Gournay Court country mansion in Somerset.
“Things will kick off with canapés and a few games of ‘The Minister’s Cat’.
“After a few drinks I’m sure the guests won’t be too shy to partake in a round or two of ‘Are you there, Moriarty?’ or perhaps even ‘Squeal Piggy Squeal’ if Dave can source a decent specimen.
“As the wine continues to flow I’m afraid I won’t be able to rule out a few rounds of ‘Hunt the Thimble’.
“What can I say? Sue me if I go too fast.
“And before any Remainers leap in with hysterical accusations of elitism and racism, let me assure you that there will be some working-class foreigners in attendance – they’ll be serving the drinks and ensuring the bathrooms stay spotless.
“Oh, and of course at the end of the night we’ll use the hounds to hunt them through the woods.
“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine – as long as they exercise a bit of common sense…”