Tuesday 21 January 2020

New study reveals other queue definitely moving faster


Other queue going faster

A new study can exclusively reveal that the other queue, the one you chose not to be part of, is now definitely moving more quickly than your own.

Having made the choice to join this particular queue for refreshments at the cinema, it has been revealed that your decision was, in fact, a stupid one.

“Yes, the other queue is moving more quickly,” confirmed researcher Simon Williams stood beside you with a white coat and a clipboard.

“You made your decision based on the fact that your queue had six people in it, and that one had seven, two of whom are what you consider ‘large’, so you figured it would move slowly, rather than factoring in the expected purchasing habits of each person ahead of you in this queue.

“Now, if you’d looked a little more closely you would have the Dad four places ahead of you ordering popcorn for about eight kids as it seems he’s hosting a ‘cinema party’ where every child gets sweets, popcorn, drinks and a hotdog – all while the person who was seventh in the other queue is now third.

“You can swear if you like, but it’s too late now, even if you move to the other queue, you’ll be eighth, and who knows, this queue might then start moving more quickly.

“I can see you looking at it. You want to move to the other queue, don’t you? But you don’t have the balls, do you? No, of course you don’t. Because then everyone in this queue will be willing you to fail like the miserable loser you are.”

You have confirmed that nothing makes the queuing experience more tolerable than knowing that when you get the front you will be spending the equivalent of a month’s wages on a gallon of watered-down cola that cost the cinema approximately 5p to make.

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