Actor Laurence Fox is said to be frothing at the mouth over rumours that Sikh actors are planning to ruin his favourite war film of all time by dancing around gaily in those silly turbans.
Film experts are universally agreed that a Bollywood interpretation of the classic Boer War confrontation is long overdue and casting is well underway for the remake, which should hit small independent theatres run by homosexuals in the autumn of 2023.
Fox, however, is still recovering from PTSD in a London clinic after the appearance of a solitary Sikh infantryman in the film 1917 caused him to regurgitate his popcorn and subsequently vanish up his own off-white arsehole.
The revelation that the First World War featured a handful of non-white combatants came as a shock to many and is, of course, nothing more than lazy propaganda by woke, liberal bastard Sam Mendes.
1917 depicts the hellish reality of large-scale mechanised warfare, but certain scenes have proved controversial to Fox and others, such as a horse that disobeys orders and a trench shaped like a vagina.
But the presence of a Sikh in a white man’s war was too much for the jobbing actor, leading to the movie’s only negative review on film site Rotten Tomatoes.
“A Bollywood remake of Zulu is just woke political correctness gone mad,” Fox told reporters.
“As we know, Sikhs were largely absent from the Anglo-Boer conflicts, unless you count the 26th Bengal Infantry, the 1st Bombay Lancers and the 5th Bombay Mountain Battery.
“OK, so there was a few – mainly taxi drivers. I guess you could have that Sanjay from Eastenders.”
He added, “Also – Michael Caine in a sari? I’m not sure how that’s going to work.”