Wednesday 15 January 2020

Man who never tips waiting staff pledges fifty quid to make Big Ben bong


Man who doesn't tip pledges to Big Ben crowdfunder

Local man Derek Williams, 55, has this morning pledged fifty quid to make Big Ben bong, believing it a far better investment than tipping the waitstaff that give him good service.

Williams has pledged £25 to two different crowdfunding campaigns, and will probably pledge to more later today, proving once and for all that a fool and his money are soon parted.

He told us, “Look, tipping is a massive waste of money. You’re already paying for the food, why should you pay extra to have it brought to the table. You don’t pay the barman to pour your pints do you. You do? You idiot.

“All those waiters probably won’t pay tax on the tip you leave, and will only go and waste it on things like bills, food, or heaven forbid, having a good time.

“No, it’s much better that my hard-earned money is spent on making a massive bell make a sound we’ve all heard a thousand times at the precise moment we leave the EU, all to trigger the libs.

“Yes, that money will then be gone, but think of the memories!”

Waiting staff at Williams’ favourite eatery told us, “It doesn’t help that half of us are European, but he doesn’t seem to realise there isn’t a queue out the door of surly British teens willing to bring food to miserable tight-arsed Englishmen.

“But him not tipping is really not an issue because everyone knows he doesn’t tip so, so we don’t go the extra mile for him – you know, things like making sure his plate is clean, or trying too hard to stop his food falling on the floor.”

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