Monday 30 December 2019 by Davywavy

Fortune telling fish out of a cracker now front-runner in Labour leadership race

Fortune telling fish joins labour leadership race

A thin plastic fortune-telling fish out of a cracker has taken a dramatic lead in the race to replace Jeremy Corbyn as Labour leader, it has emerged.

The fish, which entered the race on Christmas day, is understood to have a better predictive record than any of the other candidates after it rolled up and waggled its tail when placed in an open palm.

“According to the instructions that means it’s passionate and optimistic, which is more than you can say for Rebecca Long-Bailey,” said Labour spokesman Simon Williams.

“And no matter whose palm it sat in it never flipped, which you certainly can’t say for Lisa Nandy.”

The fish is understood to give very different responses to whoever consults it, meaning it would also compete on a level playing field against David Lammy.

“If Labour wants a dead fish to lead it, it’s going to be a tight race between this one and Kier Starmer,” we were told.

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