Tuesday 3 December 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Colleague reveals plans to cause a scene at Christmas drinks once again


Office dickhead at Xmas party

“That guy” will be at it again this Christmas.

Simon Williams, 27, is a colleague in your office who is typically polite, courteous and hard-working.

“But last year he started a fist-fight with Geoff in accounts,” confirmed another one of your colleagues.

“The year before that, he walked right up to our corporate Vice President and called him a slag for not buying him a drink.

“I don’t know how he remains employed. He must have photos of somebody.”

Simon beamed, “Oh yes, multiple. It’s how I get away with this every year.

“Anyway, I’ve put together an exciting program for this year. It will start with a joke told over lunch that won’t quite be racist enough to get me in trouble, but just enough to make everyone else uncomfortable.

“Then it will be revealed that it was I who gave Bethany in marketing a chocolate penis for Secret Santa, despite only speaking to her twice since she started two months ago.

“Later on in the evening I’ll be in the loo whenever my round comes up, and then I’ll try and have it off with literally everyone.

“It’s going to be magical.”

Bethany in marketing commented, “He’s got me a WHAT?!”

I’m participating, leave me alone – get your Christmas T-shirt HERE!

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