Boris Johnson has given a warm, festive welcome to Donald Trump after he landed in the UK ahead of a NATO conference by giving him a Christmas present of two hospitals.
Trump, who is in the UK to attend a NATO summit in Watford tomorrow, was reportedly delighted with the gesture, and according to sources at one of the hospitals has already set about putting his own unique mark on it.
A patient at one of the establishments, Little Arseworth Community Hospital in Berkshire, told us, “I popped in there for an outpatients appointment this morning, and some workmen were installing twenty-foot high golden letters on the roof spelling out TRUMPCARE.
“And when I went in I was immediately charged $50.00 just for chatting to the lady on the reception desk. And now I must dash – need to speak to my bank manager about remortgaging before I get the bill for the x-ray I had done today.”
Addressing his mate Laura Kuenssberg, Boris Johnson explained, “It is customary in our great land to give visitors from overseas – so long as they are white and speak English – a small gift as a gesture of goodwill.
“These two hospitals were failing – nothing to do with our cuts, I’m sure – and I felt it right to give them to Donald to turn around, and both as a Christmas present and a small sweetener ahead of a post-Brexit trade deal.”
He concluded, “Apart from those casinos, Trump University, Trump steaks and Trump Vodka, he has a record of success as a businessman, so the hospitals are in safe hands.
“Like I’ve promised, I will never sell the NHS. I’ll just give bits of it away, as and when I need to.
“I’m a man of my word.”