Monday 11 November 2019 by Gary Stanton

Queen reduced to tears as scruffy twat lays memorial wreath upside down


Boris Cenotaph

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II to you, broke down in tears yesterday as a man with the sartorial elegance of a piss-sodden tramp carelessly threw a commemorative wreath at The Cenotaph.

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, took a brief respite from lying to the public to attend the Remembrance Sunday ceremony, but was unable to find time to run a comb through his hair or button up his jacked, a despicable insult which left many war dead spinning in their graves.

Indeed the Tory leader’s attire plumbed depths not seen since the vile communist, Michael Foot, turned up in a donkey jacket and openly urinated on the tomb of the unknown soldier, while saying something nasty about grammar schools.

Johnson’s bastard rudeness prompted the normally stoical monarch to sob in a manner not witnessed since her daughter-in-law, Princess Diana of Wales, died in mysterious circumstances in a Paris underpass.

Many veterans were also shocked by the PM’s dismissive attitude to a bunch of dead flowers, with many insisting they could no longer support his cunting Brexit and would be prepared to give Jo Swinson a second glance.

Moments after the two minutes silence, Johnson laid a further wreath to remember those who have died as a result of his party’s austerity, and hitherto only celebrated in Ken Loach films.

However, the crowning moment of the entire grief circus had to be Johnson’s unbuttoned coat, a gesture which openly mocked the fallen – a grotesque wanker sign cast in the direction of their ultimate sacrifice.

Johnson later looked as though he was about to high-five a nearby policeman, but the incompetent buffoon could not bring himself to stoop that low.

A Conservative spokesman later apologised for the Prime Minister’s rudeness, telling reporters.

“Boris has been under a great deal of pressure lately, which may explain the hurt he caused to the millions washed up on the beaches of Normandy, not to mention the thousands like my great Uncle Frank who shot themselves in the foot to avoid active service.

“That said, we will be launching a full public inquiry into why Jeremy Corbyn failed to bow properly.

“That whole osteoporosis thing doesn’t wash with us.”

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