Friday 8 November 2019 by Frances Ward

Barry Gardiner still talking on last night’s Question Time


Barry Gardiner Question Time

Shadow something-or-other Barry Gardiner is still delivering an interminably long response to a question on last night’s edition of Question Time, it has emerged.

Inexplicable Question Time host, Fiona Bruce asked Gardiner to respond to a question about Scottish independence, or something, and the rest was pretty much a blur, all present can confirm.

Audience member, Simon Williams said, “I remember him slowly remove his glasses, I assume for added dramatic effect, before he launched into some nonsensical story about being born in a Scottish bothy, or some bollocks, with the vocal speed of a 45 vinyl on the 33 setting.

“Presumably he was also secretly communicating a message from that Stalinist mental case, Corbyn, to rise up and shoot all rich people.

“I then woke up this morning in bed. I assume I fell into a coma when my body’s ability to continue functioning, shut down over the weight of Gardiner’s overly pronounced words that start with ‘w’ and his excruciatingly tedious and vainglorious hyperbole.

“I even saw the life drain from Fiona Bruce’s face and she spends the rest of her time listening to men in blazers regale at the number of dead aristocracy that pissed in some old bint’s Victorian chamber pot that he ‘found’ in his deceased mother’s attic.”

A BBC spokesperson said, “Yes, Question Time is entering into an unprecedented fourteenth hour. However, we want to ensure balance and therefore, Fiona is politely waiting for Barry Gardiner to finish his answer.

“She is a true professional.”

There are unconfirmed reports that Fiona Bruce was last seen repeatedly banging Barry Gardiner’s head off the table.

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