Friday 25 October 2019 by Davywavy

Manchester council begins distributing weekend scent of wee to city centre


Urine Water Cannon

Trucks have begun liberally dousing the scent of wee around Manchester city centre in preparation for this weekend, the council have confirmed.

The scent, which permeates the area between Oxford Road and Great Ancoats Street for 48 hours every Saturday and Sunday, is a free service laid on by the council to remind happy clubbers and partygoers of where they are.

“It’s really useful,” said new student and clubgoer Simone Williams.

“I stagger out of Satans at 3am with literally no idea where I am, and the honk of tinkle on every surface reminds me that I’m in Manchester. It couldn’t be anywhere else.

“Not just that but it’s so strong it acts like smelling salts and completely clears my head of whatever I’ve been taking so I can get home safely. It’s a lifesaver.

“Some people might complain, but the area around the Arndale just wouldn’t be the same without it at 2am.”

The council have been dousing the city centre with the smell of piss every weekend since the late 19th century and say they have no plans to stop.

“I mean, we could rely on people just to relieve themselves up against the nearest wall but what sort of filthy bastard would do that?” a spokesman told us.

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