Britain sucking up to Donald Trump finally pays off as Scotch Whisky gets its very own US tariff

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Donald Trump built trust in his promise, that he would deliver a great deal to a post-Brexit Britain, after Scottish Single Malts were selected to be made even more exclusive in America, thanks to a 25% import tariff, whereas French Cognac and Irish Whiskey were completely left out of this special treatment.

While some distillers claimed this would hurt them, the UK government explained that the selection of Scottish Whisky for this honour was a great portent of Britain’s future relationship with the USA.

As explained Simone Williams, advisor to Liz Truss and spokesperson for the Department of International Trade.

She went on, “All the careful relationships nurtured by Liz Truss and Boris Johnson, not to mention the sterling work done by Liam Fox, have been validated as we understand Donald Trump personally intervened to put Scotch Whisky on the list of goods he finds so amazing they should have a luxury price.

“Notice how the Irish distillers and French champagne makers are not even on the list.

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“And if we leave without a deal, that exclusivity will apply in Europe and in places that have FTA’s with the EU like Japan. Imagine people worldwide looking at prohibitively expensive bottles of whisky and wondering what mighty nation produces such a desirable product.”

Government sources claim that the news of the tariffs, and the prospect of joining a global market free of the shackles of EU free trade, led many Scottish distillers to celebrate in the traditional Highland way of sobbing quietly for an hour before checking what the insurance payoff is for a factory fire.