There was shock and outrage as it was revealed that, despite being brilliant at seven different sports, Katarina Johnson-Thompson was only awarded one medal.
“I’m disgusted,” explained Simon Williams, who has become an expert on athletics since the World Athletics Championships began.
“She gets the same amount of medals as someone who just run a hundred metres? That’s all kinds of messed up.
“I mean, for one thing, running a hundred metres takes ten seconds, the heptathlon takes two days. Two days! You have to sleep halfway through the heptathlon!”
Mr Williams went on to explain how to improve the medal balance.
“Well, the obvious solution is to give Johnson-Thompson six other medals, to show how much better she is than other athletes.
“However, I can see how the athletics people wouldn’t want to do that as it would drag out the awards ceremony, so I would suggest a medal that’s seven times as big as a normal medal.
“Yes, you’d probably need several people to carry it, but I think a medal the size of a person would be the fairest award for Johnson-Thompson’s achievement.”
Johnson-Thompson has yet to comment on the Williams plan to base the size of the medal on the size of the achievement as she is too busy being awesome.