Wednesday 11 September 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May adds Freddie Krueger and the woman who put a cat in a bin to honours list


Theresa May resignation honours list

Theresa May, who was Prime Minister for a staggering amount of time, has put forward prolific fictional serial killer Freddie Krueger and that women who put a cat in a bin for her resignation honours list.

She had already courted controversy by making convicted domestic abuser Geoffrey Boycott a knight and some of her more inept friends OBEs.

“I realise that Freddie Krueger is a controversial figure,” said the ex-Prime Minister, who may or may not have been drinking.

“But I don’t think that anyone can deny that, in the field of killing teenagers in their dreams, he is a world leader, and it is right that he is recognised with a knighthood.”

Mrs May went on to reveal that the woman who put a cat in a bin has been a personal inspiration.

“I have long admired that woman who put a cat in a bin. Without her impressive actions, there would be one more cat who isn’t in a bin.

“I often found myself facing dark and difficult moments during my period as Prime Minister. Whenever things got too bleak, I thought of that woman bravely putting a cat in a bin, despite all previous convention that suggested you can’t do that, and I found the inspiration I needed to go on.”

Freddie Krueger, being not-British and entirely fictional, was unavailable for comment. However, the woman who put a cat in a bin is understood to have celebrated the news of her OBE by putting a cat in a bin.

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