That can be arranged, nation tells Boris

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After saying he’d rather be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit, the Prime Minister has been told those actually sound like pretty reasonable terms.

Speaking from in front of a hand-picked line of police who hadn’t been told what they were there for, the Prime Minister made his first speech in an election campaign nobody else is currently joining in with.

“I’d rather be dead in a ditch than delay Brexit,” he told assembled reporters, leading to many people wondering if those are the only two options because if so it’s not such a difficult call.

Several of the police officers standing behind the Prime Minister were understood to be holding their truncheons and looking speculative as the idea was presented.

“I’m not sure the Prime Minister has really thought this one through,” said Simon Williams, MP for Kettering East & Largs.

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“Actively telling people that if they knock you on the head and roll you into a shallow grave you won’t repeatedly mug them over a period of decades is apt to give some people ideas, that’s all I’m saying.”