With MPs blocking no-deal the Prime Minister is working 24/7 to negotiate a new deal with the EU – primarily by visiting Scottish farmers to lie to them about their economic prospects post-Brexit.
With the 31 October deadline looming and no-deal probably off the table it is imperative that Boris Johnson negotiates a new withdrawal agreement with the European Union.
Which is why he’s pissed off to Scotland.
“Er, maybe he was holding his compass upside down?” said political analyst Simon Williams.
“Perhaps he’s in Aberdeen right now talking to the locals and thinking about how his French is a lot better than he realised.”
Boris is promising Scottish farmers loads of cash and telling them their economic future is secure.
“It’s almost as if the Prime Minister’s priority is getting people to vote for him in a forthcoming election rather than directly engaging with the EU to secure a relatively prosperous future for the UK,” said Mr Williams.
“The reality of Brexit means there won’t be much cash for anyone – particularly if Johnson gets his way and we crash out without a deal.
“We’re used to the empty promises of politicians but the brazen lies of Boris – the political games which endanger people’s lives and livelihoods – take it to a whole new level.
“In all honesty, I haven’t worked out whether it’s gall or stupidity, or both.”
Downing Street said that Boris will be cutting short a visit to Balmoral in order to focus on Brexit.
“Actually he asked if he could stay for the whole week,” said Her Majesty.
“I told him he could fuck right off.”