People with tribal tattoos to be given protected minority status

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Anyone that got a tribal tattoo in the Noughties is to be given legal protection as a minority starting next week.

Legal experts in the government have today stated that people with fad ink are to be given legal status equal to minority religions and ethnic groups.

The legislation currently covers Jews and Cornish people, and will be extended to Leave voters after 31st October.

Simon Williams, a tribal tattoo representative who looks like he’s wrestled with a treacle-covered octopus had this to say, “Tribal tattoos have a long and illustrious history dating back to around 2001, although some records indicate them appearing in gyms as early as 1999.

What is for certain is that the tribal tattoo is an enduring symbol of strength, be it on a gamer tag or a Plenty of Fish profile pic.

We are overjoyed at this decision, but we are also working hard to include the many victims of other fad tattoos such as dolphins, barbed wire and Chinese lettering.

Although tramp stamps are a thing of the past now, they will still be a blight on the Instagram posts of a generation of people. That’s the real human cost.”