Thursday 22 August 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Government plans new al-fresco accommodation for children living in shipping containers


Shipping containers used for migrant children

The government has announced an extensive programme of al-fresco accommodation for children living in temporary housing such as shipping containers and abandoned office blocks.

“It is a dreadful scandal that these children are living in such conditions,” said actual, no-It’s-not-a-dream Prime Minister Boris Johnson, just prior to going interrailing.

“As such, I have instituted a programme of delightful al-fresco accommodation for the most vociferous of complainants.”

The new plans will see a variety of areas in towns and cities designated ‘temporary al-fresco accommodation spots’.

“It’s very exciting,” continued the PM.

“The al-fresco accommodation will have a pleasing aspect, will give children plenty of fresh air, and will be situated in some of the most convenient spots available.

“Park benches near schools, under car-park staircases in the centre of towns – if you were buying a flat in these places, you’d have to pay a lot of money for it, that’s for sure.”

Mr Johnson promised that this is just the first in a series of social reforms that his government will bring in.

“Absolutely, as is the traditional Tory way, we shall deal with all our social ills by simply reclassifying a problem so it is no longer a problem – homelessness is now al-fresco living, hunger is dieting, and rickets is simply enjoying a retro-lifestyle.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe the butler has got my wine chilled for my trip to Europe.”

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