Wednesday 7 August 2019 by Rhydderch Wilson

A&E department celebrates treating one-millionth man with foreign object stuck up his arse


A&E celebrating

Staff at an Accident and Emergency Department in Swansea were cracking open the champagne yesterday after treating their one-millionth man with a foreign object stuck up his jacksie.

The hard-working doctors and nurses at Swansea General Hospital were over the moon at reaching such an incredible milestone.

Nurse Annie Oldiron said, “It really does make this job worthwhile, knowing that we’ve managed to help so many poor, unfortunate men who have, through no fault of their own, found themselves with something strange stuck up their bottoms.

“Usually something like one of those little deodorant spray bottles.”

“Yes, it’s incredible how many different ways these men find themselves with one of those things stuck up their nipsies,” confirmed Doctor Hans Orf, who has personally treated many of these hapless souls.

“Sometimes they’re cleaning the bathroom in the buff when they accidentally sit down on a deodorant spray and the top comes off. Or they’re cleaning the bathroom in the buff when they accidentally slip and land on a deodorant spray and the top comes off. Now and again, on the odd rare occasion, we even have someone in who says that they’ve deliberately shoved a deodorant spray up their arses just to see what it’s like – but we don’t tend to believe those ones, I mean, who would do that?”

“It never ceases to amaze me how this only ever seems to happen to men,” added Nurse Oldiron.

“I guess it’s because women never clean their bathrooms in the buff. That’s the only reason I can think of.”

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