A washing line has told some freshly pegged clothes the cold hard truth that they’ll be completely drenched before being collected.
With people increasingly aware of their carbon footprint, tumble dryers are being eschewed and wet clothes hung out to dry on washing lines, only for them to get soaked with filthy rainwater.
“Look, don’t look at me, I do my job,” said rotary washing line Simon Williams.
“I spin gently in the breeze, drying garments with zero shrinkage. I don’t control the bloody weather though do I?”
Simon can’t help but feel sorry for the clothes that get pegged on him.
“I’m going to smell fresher than ever!” crowed a pair of underpants.
“I won’t even need to be ironed after I’ve dried naturally!” said some trousers.
“The sunlight will act as a natural bleaching agent killing the germs living in my yellowing armpits!” chirped a shirt.
Simon tends to adopt a ‘cruel to be kind’ attitude.
“Listen up everyone,” he said when all the clothes were hanging with an air of contentment. “You need to be prepared for the worst.
“They’ll forget about you. They’ll be watching Stranger Things this evening, chowing down on a takeaway and they won’t give you a second thought. They will quite literally leave you hanging.
“Perhaps one of them will remember just as they’re going to bed. Will they rush out and rescue you? Not a chance, they’ll just make a mental note to get you in the morning.
“And then they won’t because they’ll forget.
“In fact, they’ll only bother coming to collect you when it’s absolutely pissed down and you’ve all been bathed in disgusting air impurities.
“At which point they’ll bung you in the dryer before wearing you to work stinking of traffic fumes.