Prisons across the country have reported being stretched to breaking point after 30,000 journalists were imprisoned for the crime of journalism.
After Tommy Robinson was given a nine-month sentence for journalism, the police were quick to round up all 30,000 members of the National Union of Journalists in order to send them to the nearest prison.
Police Chief Derek Matthews told us “It was a massive police operation, but today the nation’s streets are much safer now that no journalism is being carried out.
“We were hoping people would fall for our ploy of pretending Tommy Robinson was being imprisoned for repeatedly and unapologetically committing contempt of court, but as soon as they cottoned on to the fact he was really going down for journalism, we had no choice but to act.
“We had hoped to round these disgusting journalists up slowly over the next year or so, but once Tommy wore that T-shirt revealing the truth about his incarceration, we had to go immediately.
“Dawn raids across the country got most of them, and the last few hundred were rounded up heading for the ports with their go-bags, no doubt hoping to try and spread their filthy journalism on the continent.
Journalist Simon Williams told us, “I always saw journalism as a minor crime, like smoking in a public space, or parking in the disabled spot – but I suppose I knew this day of reckoning was coming at some point. Still, we had a good run.”
Police Chief Matthews concluded, “Obviously the nation’s newspapers might be a bit threadbare now that all the journalists are in prison – but do not worry, the Daily Mail be printed as normal because they wisely chose not to employ any.”