Tuesday 9 July 2019 by Chris Ballard

What the f*ck am I supposed to do with all this Ferrero Rocher now? asks UK ambassador to US


ferrero rocher

Ambassador Sir Kim Darroch has been left with a shitload of Ferrero Rocher after the Trump administration refused to have further dealings with him.

Everyone knows that the main job of ambassadors is to hold receptions where massive pyramids of Ferrero Rocher are served to guests. Without the little chocolate and hazelnut balls, World War Three would have broken out decades ago.

Now that Donald Trump has said the US won’t be dealing with Sir Kim, a stock problem has arisen inside the British embassy.

“I’ve got thousands of the fucking things,” said the British ambassador standing in front of a warehouse full of Ferrero Rocher.

“Back home people just associate them with Christmas – they’re something to gift when you can’t be arsed to put any thought into it, second only in effortlessness to a box of Maltesers.

“However, in the diplomatic community, their nutty deliciousness staves off trade wars and prevents nuke buttons being pressed.

“When I first presented a tray to Trump he was impressed. ‘Ah, you’ve seen our big triangle thing in Vegas? That’s really great,’ he said.

“He then immediately popped one in his mouth without taking the foil off, his entourage following his lead. This told me straight away that they were all incompetent and dysfunctional.

“‘Not bad’, said Trump, wincing and trembling with the mild galvanic shock. ‘Not sure about the nuts though’.

“Anyway, America’s a big place so I ordered tonnes of this stuff. If I’m not allowed to give any more receptions I don’t know what I’m gonna do with them.

“I see Theresa May has offered me her full support though. I should probably buy her a nice, thoughtful present to say thank you…”

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