Socialist Party of Catan demands nationalisation of wood and sheep industries

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The People’s Democratic Socialist Party of the country of Catan has demanded the vital industries of wood and sheep be nationalised to end the inefficient trading arrangement which currently exists.

Under current arrangements, sheep, wood and other industries are ‘owned’ by individuals and driven by trade in which participants decide for themselves what their produce is worth – but a spokesman for the Socialist Party of Catan (SPC) has proposed taking all produce into public ownership where it can be distributed for the general good.

The plan describes wood and sheep as vital to the national infrastructure, and suggests that nationalising the industries would protect against cheap foreign imports.

Proposals suggest that all the players would then work together to efficiently build villages and cities, with votes held to decide on the best place to build – and with anyone not playing along not getting any grain until they learn their lesson.

“And as you know, currently if you roll a seven a government official assesses the resources in a hex and whether they can be more efficiently deployed elsewhere,” said spokesman Simon Williams before denying that would result in the hex producing no resources at all until the official moved on.

“The problem is that people see settling Catan as a game of ‘winning’ and ‘losing’,” he added. “Right now it’s almost random how many resources each player gets a turn, and then they get to inefficiently ‘decide’ what they think they’re worth – but with state intervention you average that out so each player rolls a seven every time.

“And if anyone objects, or tries to keep any bricks for themself, the party will also control all the knights so they can be promptly arrested for their own good.

“It’s a perfect plan. What could go wrong?”