Tuesday 2 July 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Jeremy Corbyn not sexy enough to be prime minister, claims Civil Service


Jeremy Corbyn sexy

A leaked document shows concerns from senior civil servants that Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is not sexy enough to be prime minister.

The fears were openly discussed by mandarins at a recent event who suggested he ‘has weird teeth’ and that he ‘looks shit in shorts’.

Labour have moved quickly to refute the claims, insisting Corbyn is the very definition of ‘sexy’.

“It’s nonsense,” exclaimed a senior Labour party source.

“Jeremy is a sexy, sexy man. Loads and loads of girls fancy him and, if we’re being completely honest here, there was one time when he was speaking about equality, he looked at me and smiled, and I went straight from six to midnight.”

Despite criticism that the Civil Service should take no opinion on how sexy a prospective Prime Minister is, an unnamed source from the service was adamant that it was a concern.

“The Civil Service has a responsibility to protect the British Government’s interests,” explained the source.

“How would it look if Mr Corbyn went to Russia and there’s Putin with his nipples all over the place wrestling werewolves, and Corbyn next to him in his wellies making jam?

“It would make Britain look ridiculous. It would make us look like, in an increasingly sexy world, we simply couldn’t keep up.”

Jeremy Corbyn has yet to comment on the matter although there were reports that neighbours could hear Barry White records emanating from within his Islington house and the local Aldi had been ordered to deliver 72 oysters and bag of powdered tiger horn.

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