Monday 1 July 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Pride month ends and so does company’s obligation to pretend to care


Pride over for another year

The gays have had their fun and everyone should get back to focussing solely on work, according to every major company this morning.

With the start of July comes the end of Pride month, and companies are no longer obligated to say just how keen they are on the LGBTQ+ community, or to market to them at all.

“Thank fuck for that,” said a relieved Simon Williams, marketing manager for Bastard Biscuits, tossing his rainbow t-shirt in the bin.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do care about all that gay rights stuff, but for a whole month? It’s absolutely knackering.

“We are a biscuit company. We make biscuits. Gay people don’t even eat biscuits. They’re into cupcakes and nothing else. That’s what my dad always taught me anyway.

“But we still had to do that whole ‘rainbow logo’ thing though, otherwise you get shot. I’m pretty sure that’s what the law is now. And I had to write a statement for our company website saying how inclusive we all are here, and how gay-friendly our biscuits really are, if the gays would ever like to try one. It’s such a faff.

“And worst of all, we have to find the one gay bloke in our office and pretend to like him for the whole month, even though he’s a massive dickhead – that’s my understanding of how the Pride month works, anyway.

“Thankfully it’s over for another year, and we can go back to forgetting to invite him to the company barbecue.”

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