Wednesday 19 June 2019

I know all about death warrants from my extensive training in the army, confirms Mark Francois


Mark Francois pretend death warrants

ERG member and Tory MP Mark Francois has defended his comments regarding the signing of ‘death warrants’ for Remainers post-Brexit, insisting he has been properly trained in their use.

Francois told a Remain campaigner outside his offices that “in the nicest possible way, we’re signing your death warrant” in relation to his pushing for a hard Brexit, leading to zero criticism from the sort of people who don’t like jokes about milkshakes.

However, Francois insisted his language was measured, and that he has spent many weekends learning the appropriate use of death warrants.

He went on, “Civilians should not be using language about death warrants – obviously. In the wrong hands such language could be dangerous. But I am a highly-trained military man with extensive knowledge of death warrants and how to properly apply them.

“I don’t want to scare you, but I could put a death warrant on you right now and you probably wouldn’t even know about it until it was too late. People say the territorial army is a pretend army, but I promise you there is nothing pretend about the death warrants we used in training.

“Well, yes, I suppose those ones were literally pretend death warrants, but I know how to use a real one. And I could easily use one on you right now if I wanted to. But I won’t – because of my training. We’re taught never to engage with civilians because it would be unfair on you, what with us territorials being such highly-trained death warrant exponents.”

Francois went on to insist that if you don’t believe he could issue a death warrant he would happily prove it to you by throwing a kettle over a pub.

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