Daily Telegraph to change name to ‘The Boris Johnson Fan Club Newsletter’

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Popular ‘newspaper’ The Daily Telegraph has announced plans to change its name to ‘The Boris Johnson Fan Club Newsletter’.

The change is the logical conclusion to several years of being both written and read exclusively by members of the Boris Johnson Fan Club.

“Well, yes, it did seem a little silly to keep pretending we weren’t actually the Boris Johnson Fan Club Newsletter,” explained editor Chris Evans (not that one) (or that one).

“So, we’re making the name change from today.”

Mr Evans went on to explain what the changes would mean.

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“Well, it gives us a bit more scope to go on and on about how brilliant Boris is, I mean, I know it doesn’t seem possible for us to go on about how brilliant Boris is any more than we already do, but just you wait and see.

“We’ll also have more direct input from Boris himself. Currently, Boris produces a weekly column which he uses to lie directly to fan club members, we’d be looking to increase that to three or four columns a week, which will give him scope to lie much more than at present.

“We’ll also have posters of Boris, poems about Boris, Boris-themed events, Boris’s favourite recipes, celebrity columns about why they love Boris, we’ve got a good one with Jacob Rees-Mogg coming up.

“Just loads of Boris stuff, really.”

The Boris Johnson Fan Club Newsletter will go on sale this weekend and will contain a free Boris Johnson Fan Club badge and build-it-yourself cardboard Boris model.