It has been announced that tonight’s debate between the potential Tory leaders will take the format of Cilla Black Saturday teatime classic Blind Date.
The debate will be hosted by Emily Maitlis with a Liverpudlian accent and will feature a Tory voter as the dater and each of the leadership contenders obscured by a fake wall as the potential dates.
The Tory voter will then ask the leadership contenders a number of cheeky questions about how good at snogging they are and when they last had their bikini line done.
“Well, as the BBC, it’s important we balance serious political coverage with family entertainment,” explained whatever homosexual communist is currently in charge of the corporation.
“However, as we’re currently charged with having to pay for rich old people’s TV licences, we decided to combine the two facets in one blockbuster ‘potititainment’ show that everyone can enjoy.”
Tory voter and deranged lunatic Simon Williams has been chosen by a panel of experts to be the potential dater.
“It’s really exciting,” he claimed.
“I mean, it’s going to be a lot of fun but, at the same time, it’s quite a serious responsibility, as one of these guys is going to be the leader of the country – and it’ll be down to who I pick.
“So, I hope I end up picking Sajid Javid as he is really dishy and has sexy eyes that just scream ‘go back to where you came from’.”
The debate will be on BBC One at 8pm this evening and is expected to be a lorra, lorra laughs.