A young millennial has told of how he diligently puts money by every month to both save for a deposit and to pay for rich old people’s free stuff.
For a living, Simon Williams does something incomprehensible with the Internet, and he currently lives in a shared space under an overpass on the A12 because that’s all the ‘property’ his generation can afford.
“I’ve got a little tin here that I put in whatever spare change I have to save for a deposit on a flat,” he explained.
“Small flats here are around sixty squillion pounds, so I should have my deposit ready in about 2,000 years or so.”
However, finance savvy Mr Williams also has a bank account.
He went on, “Well, yes, I have to save about a hundred pounds a week so that rich old people can get a free TV license or bus pass.
“I don’t like leaving that sort of money under a mattress in a room under an underpass on the A12, so I have a savings account for that.
“I mean, if I didn’t do that, there’s a chance that rich old people wouldn’t get back home to their half-a-million pound mansion from the local National Trust in time to watch a lavish BBC documentary about the National Trust.
“Which would be a tragedy, obviously.”
It is understood that, whilst Mr Williams was out working an eleven hour day to pay for rich old people’s free stuff, a rich old person called him and his millennial generation ‘snowflakes’ because they like avocado on toast.