Monday 10 June 2019 by Danny Walsh

RSPCA say Schrödinger is both guilty and not guilty of animal cruelty


Cat in a Box

Representatives of the RSPCA have stated that cat owner Erwin Schrödinger is both a caring cat-lover and a cruel cat-hater simultaneously.

The renowned physicist – known among the feline community as “Shrödinger’s Twat” – died in 1961, but the linear movement of time means nothing to the RSPCA, who demand that he be dug up and held to account for his “dangerous” thought experiment which is simultaneously both harmful and not harmful to animals.

“If all physicists were as loose with their words as old Shrödey, we’d have the public shoving cats in boxes all over the gaff,” explained Sheila, who works at the Putney RSPCA hospital.

“He’s either an evil monster or a playful owner whose pet likes boxes, I don’t understand why the managers keep saying he has to be both at the same time?”

Cat-in-a-bin lady has spoken out in support of Schrödinger, telling reporters, “I was just acting out a physics-based thought experiment, not just putting an animal I don’t like out with the rubbish.”

Perhaps being dead is enough punishment for the Nobel Prize winner, but there are some who think that, until we dig him up and open his coffin, he is both alive and dead.

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