We must be nice to Trump because we need a good trade deal with US, insists man who wants to tell the EU to ‘f*ck off’

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We must be nice to Donald Trump because we want to have a good trade deal with the United States, according to a man who regularly calls on the UK to tell the EU to ‘shove it’.

Simon Williams, a staunch Brexiter who would love nothing better than to see the country diplomatically flicking the middle finger at the EU, has been publicly and repeatedly criticising anyone who has the temerity to criticise Donald Trump during his state visit.

He explained, “He’s the PRESIDENT of the United States. We have to be nice to him. The US economy is almost as big as the EU’s, so we can’t afford to piss him off. What sort of deal will he give us if we don’t fawn over his every utterance while he’s here?

“We need to make Donald Trump our absolute best friend, nothing short of that is economic suicide.

“The United States is four thousand miles away, and everyone knows your most important trade deals are not those you strike with the people 21 miles from your border, but with those a third of the way around the planet on an entirely different continent.”

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When it was pointed out that Brexit might be going a little better if he adopted the same attitude to the EU and its officials that he does to the US and its president, Williams explained that we are “clearly just liberal cucks who hate freedom.”

He went on, “This is really simple stuff. You have to be nice to the people who are important to you economically. Except for the EU, obviously, because they are total shits. People only want us to be nice to them just because they are massive, tightly integrated with our economy, and right on our doorstep.

“Fuck that. Let’s burn it to the ground and start from scratch by kissing the arse of the nationalist and protectionist leader of a country that’s half the world away and desperate to asset-strip us.”