In a shock reveal today, senior demon Crowley has admitted to having accidentally substituted the Antichrist for Mr and Mrs Blair’s infant child in an Edinburgh nursing home in 1953.
Explaining that he’d wanted the Son of Satan to have a “nice, normal upbringing,” the shamefaced denizen of Hell said it had “seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“I thought he would grow up to be a normal sort of kid,” added Crowley.
“You know, maybe play in a band, go to Uni, smoke a bit of weed, meet a nice girl, that sort of thing.”
“It all seemed to be going really well at first.
“Stop looking at me like that,” he added.
Crowley’s celestial adversary and long term buddy, Aziraphale, told us, “We first had our suspicions in Heaven when that whole War on Terror thing kicked off; Kosovo, Iraq, Afghanistan. They all looked a little bit antichrist-ey, you know?
“Oh yeah, and then there was that time when he put Gordon Brown in charge of the economy. That should have set all the alarm bells off. A more demonstrable act of evil you are unlikely to find.
“I suppose it’s obvious now when you look at him, but we’re not infallible you know.
“Still, I know Crowley means well,” he smiled, to scowls and frantic head shaking from his opposite number.
Asked if they had any plans to avert the end of the world, the duo admitted that “we’re going to have to wing it,” but added, “basically we’re hoping for a miracle.”