Tuesday 28 May 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Labour send Alastair Campbell to Ministry of Love for ‘re-education’


Alastair Campbell

Former Labour Party Director of Communications Alastair Campbell has been ordered by the party to undergo ‘re-education’ at the Ministry of Love.

It is expected that the re-education will last approximately eight weeks, after which Mr Campbell will be re-integrated into society to demonstrate his love for Jeremy Corbyn.

The announcement comes after several months of Mr Campbell displaying erratic and shocking behaviour by Labour Party standards. This included openly criticising Mr Corbyn and suggesting that Labour Party leadership opens itself up to new ideas.

This erratic behaviour came to a head when Mr Campbell admitted voting for the Liberal Democrats in the  EU elections.

“Alastair has been taken to the Ministry of Love for a programme of re-education,” said a Labour Party acolyte.

“It is important to remember that the Labour movement takes strength and comfort in its love for Jeremy Corbyn, and when someone falters in that love it weakens all of us.

“Alastair will be given a comprehensive eight-week programme to re-educate him in his love for our great leader.

“This will include extensive seminars in why Jeremy is better than you, quiet sessions of simply staring into Jeremy’s face, and visits to Room 101, which definitely isn’t as bad as it sounds.”

The acolyte said that anyone wishing to interview Mr Campbell after his re-education will find him in the Chestnut Tree Cafe.

He also stated that all the known anti-semites within the Labour Party will face a similar re-education programme ‘soon, probably. When we can find time to get round to it’.

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