Friday 26 April 2019 by Chris Ballard

Everyone having nightmares about milk ducts


Nightmare from milk ducts

An image of human milk ducts has gone viral and now nobody will sleep soundly ever again.

A picture of the female muscle system showing flower like milk ducts is now essentially all people are thinking about.

“I don’t even have them,” said man Simon Williams. “But my nipples are constantly tingling as that image haunts my every waking moment and infiltrates my dreams.

“When I first saw it I just assumed it was connected with that protester who glued her breasts to the road. I mean, having your tits peeled off the tarmac is surely going to have catastrophic medical consequences.

“But actually this is just a perfectly normal, natural phenomenon. I’m ashamed to say it’s completely freaked me out.”

For once, Simon’s wife Karen agrees with him.

“Yeah, I’ve breastfed two children and that’s not really something I needed to see,” she said.

“I can completely understand why this was never in our school biology textbooks. At an age when your body is undergoing major changes and you feel incredibly self-conscious, the last thing you want to learn is that just underneath the skin of your breasts are two extraterrestrial cocktail umbrellas.”

“Look, I’m sure the male body has some weird shit going on too,” said Simon. “But for Christ’s sake don’t show me a picture of it without warning.

“If I wanted to see the inside of the human body I’d have consumed a lot more alcohol, taken a lot more drugs and gone to medical school.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: