A man who felt something whilst watching the new Star Wars trailer has been condemned for not repressing the emotion deep in his psyche in an attempt to deny its existence.
Eric Butts was seen crying at the trailer for The Rise of Skywalker and was immediately reminded that this is unacceptable.
“For heavens sake, feeling something? What is wrong with him?” Asked Simon Williams, a REAL man who hasn’t shown an emotion since crying after breaking his favourite toy as a child and having his father tell him to ‘pull himself together’.
“This is 2019. The last thing we need is men showing emotions.
“I tell you, it’s a short step from showing an emotion to growing breasts and becoming a woman, and if everyone did that, where would we be?”
Mr Williams offered Mr Butts and other men advice on how to deal with such a situation in future.
“Well, I think all men may involuntarily feel the occasional emotion,” he admitted.
“The key is completely suppressing them so that no one is ever aware that you feel passion, love or joy.
“To do this, I keep a drawing pin in my pocket and whenever I feel anything I jam the pin in my thigh and focus on the pain and how men should not have an emotion.
“I would recommend Mr Butts invest in some drawing pins to prevent a repeat of the situation.”
It is understood that, despite his crying, Mr Butts will not face prosecution because, as yet, we do not live in a terrifying future dystopia where emotions are illegal.