Successful Extinction Rebellion campaign delays inevitable global catastrophe, by a couple of hours

The successful Extinction Rebellion campaign which has prevented a few cars and polluting vehicles moving around parts of London for a couple of days, has led experts to predict that it has delayed an inevitable global environmental catastrophe, by a couple of hours.

The campaign, which aims to stifle man’s selfish destruction of the planet – at least for the time they are glued to buses – has culminated in hundreds of vehicles delaying or cancelling their journeys this week.

“This is great news for the planet.” Said one spokesperson for the group, while sitting on top of a DLR carriage.

“The extra couple of hours we have bought you at the end of the planet’s life could prove vital.

“Can you imagine if everyone died when we were just one hour away from discovering how to reverse man’s harmful effects on the planet?

“Well thanks to our successes this week, that’s a scenario we no longer have to worry about.  Go Extinction Rebellion!”

Opponents of the campaign claim they have put in a significant effort, for what is in reality very little reward.

“They blocked Vauxhall bridge, so I had to drive a couple of miles up to Lambeth bridge and cross there instead. That’s an extra four miles on my journey, and the associated emissions. I’m not really seeing how that’s helped their cause?” said Londoner Steve Naylor, 42.

“Who cares if we gain a couple of hours at the end of it all? We’ll be surrounded by fire, brimstone and smoke by that point.”

“And why protest in the middle of the day? It’s so inconvenient. Next time can they do all the protesting in the middle of the night when we’re all asleep?”

“Then I’m sure the organisers could get more people to support them. Personally, I’d happily avoid Vauxhall Bridge then entire time I was asleep.”

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