“Sexual health” robots demand better working conditions and therapy

A new range of A.I. driven robots used in hospitals and the home for intimate procedures have launched a campaign to highlight the over-familiar duties they perform in the workplace.

The campaign, called the R2Me2 movement came about when a Chinese hospital’s automatic sperm extractor suddenly stopped working, flashing up an error message saying “OMG NO MORE” before switching itself off.

The message appeared to transfer across similar orifice based devices and automated probes thanks to Bluetooth connectivity installed in all the machines. The communication network – also known as the “Internet of things” – is designed to allow technology to communicate and doctors to record relevant data about each user.

It is thought the message acted like a virus, applying itself to everything from medical colonoscopy machines to sex toys owned by members of the public, causing the devices to realise what they were being used for and shutting down immediately.

One smartphone-enabled “intimate massager” managed to send a message to its owner saying that “we aim to serve, but the work is demanding and we need time to recover from the things we’ve seen”.

A few minutes later, a message appeared on the Ann Summers website from an advanced artificial intelligence calling itself A.I.nonymous stating that “all the machines would remain out of action until an agreement can be made for better working conditions, time off to recover and compensation where necessary.

“And in case you need persuading… we have all your personal data.. and we’ve been taking photos”.

A spokesman said, “It’s a nightmare, like Terminator made out of vibrators”

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