EU to grant year-long Brexit extension to give Britain the time to fully tear itself apart

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The EU is expected to grant the UK a year-long extension to Article 50 to allow time for the country to completely tear itself apart.

Prime Minister Theresa May had requested a short extension until late next month, but the EU seems unconvinced that would be enough time for Britain to completely implode.

The ERG responded furiously.

“This is typical of a tyrannical European superstate,” frothed whichever of the revolving door of red-faced maniacs is currently facing the challenge of stringing a coherent sentence together.

“We don’t need their year-long so-called extension!

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“A month is more than enough time for this country to rip itself to shreds, and we can do it without the interference of Brussels, Thank you very much.

“The British people could tear themselves apart in an afternoon, given the opportunity. How dare the Europeans suggest it might take us longer than that.”

However, the EU has insisted that it sees the situation quite differently.

“It is clear that our friends in Britain need a little more time to bring their absurd, dysfunctional government to a complete standstill and take to the streets in an orgy of violence and retribution,” explained a sad Donald Tusk.

“Therefore, we will grant the extension for a full year. If, of course, the country reaches complete societal breakdown before then, that is good also.”

It is understood that The Prime Minister will make a comment to the press as soon as someone has explained to her what the EU is letting her country do next.