Kind-hearted Grand National offers to fly injured horses to Dignitas rather than shooting them in the head on the track

The organisers of the Grand National have responded to accusations of animal cruelty by offering to fly injured horses to Switzerland to be put out of their misery.

After facing accusations every year that whipping horses and riding them to within an inch of their life before killing any that are injured in the process is unnecessary and cruel, the Grand National organisers have extended an offer of kindness in an attempt to appease pesky animal lovers.

“We will naturally continue to race horses, because there is a lot of money in it, and my Range Rover Sport and third divorce won’t pay for themselves,” explained Grand National spokesman Simon Williams.

“And yes, some of those horses may fall and be injured during the races and require putting down, and this is a perfectly natural way for horses to die.

“But we appreciate that shooting a horse in the back of the head from close range is a bit undignified. So for those fillies that become slightly injured and need to be put down as a side effect of our entertainment, the best we can do is fly them to Switzerland and slip them a pill as they soak up the glorious views in relative privacy.”

He added, “Just send me the medal for compassion and a cheque to cover the costs of the flights, and I’ll get things in place.”

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