Tuesday 2 April 2019 by Arabin Patson

Brexit indicative vote breakthrough after MPs finally settle on “more arse cheeks”


parliament wants more arsecheek

Parliament finally released the UK from Brexit purgatory as a late addition to yesterday’s indicative vote won a slim majority and ordered the government to deliver a plan based around lovely bottoms wiggling in the Strangers Gallery.

The Conservative MP for Lutterworth South, Simon Williams, is widely credited for including the buttocks option. An addition he claimed was a sudden flash of inspiration.

“Once again we were presented with several choices, none of which command a majority or that I understand. So I did my usual and looked up while daydreaming about what I would say on Newsnight if they ever invite me. And then it struck me! What if we stopped talking about boring things like Custom Unions and focused more on pert posteriors? One word with John Bercow and it was on the ballot. He loves a plump rump too.”

However, the issue was far from settled as it would require the government to quickly create a derriere-based plan of action and submit it to the EU 27. Although likely to be welcomed in Brussels, the plan might not get that far as Theresa May as always been a strong opponent of all backsides, wiggling or static.

A spokesperson for Downing Street seemed to confirm this late last night by telling journalists that a Brexit based on bountiful bums had not been validated through a general election in the same way her plans were.

“Parliament has no mandate to assume the people want a bootylicious Brexit whereas Theresa May did win an election in 2017

“And everyone knows she is all about the cock.”

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