Most popular indicative vote expected to be ‘Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over’

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As MPs prepare to take part in an indicative ballot this evening, it appears that the most popular choice will be the option to ‘Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over’

The indicative ballot sees Parliament try to wrestle the Brexit process away from a Prime Minister who’s current best plan is to hold her breath until everyone votes for her Brexit deal.

The speaker will select a dozen options including ‘shout until the foreigners go away,’ ‘invade France,’ and ‘chill the f**k out.’

Ballot papers will be produced and MPs will have 30 minutes to select their preferences.

“Oh I will certainly be indicating a preference for the ‘Go to the Winchester plan,’” said Tory MP and exotic pornographer Sir Simon Williams.

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“Going to the Winchester until everything blows over is really the only sensible solution when times become as turbulent as they currently are.”

Whilst going to the Winchester seems like the most likely outcome tonight, another popular option is set to be ‘Have a big fight’.

“Yes, I’m certainly aware that some of my colleagues would prefer the option to have a big fight, possibly out on Parliament Square.

“However, as far as I’m concerned, the Winchester option is infinitely preferable as I get to have a nice cold pint and don’t get punched in the face.”

The indicative ballot will take place this evening and could provide a way forward if the country didn’t have a Prime Minister with the political imagination and talent of some wet gravel.