Tuesday 26 March 2019

‘This isn’t me changing my mind, I’ve always wanted to live in a vassal state’ insists Jacob Rees-Mogg


Jacob Rees-Mogg on vassal state

Jacob Rees-Mogg has announced he is willing to vote for Theresa May’s Brexit deal, after admitting he quite likes the idea of living in a vassal state.

Despite months of railing against May’s deal, describing it as the worst of all worlds, Rees-Mogg has changed his mind (because apparently MPs are allowed to do this), and will now vote to support it.

When questioned over his change of heart, Mogg admitted that he’s always had a soft spot for living under the complete control of someone else.

He told reporters, “I spent many a formative year being told what to do by a stern lady who was put in a position of absolute power over me without an opportunity to vote for her – and I have to admit I rather enjoyed it.

“Living under the control of nanny were the best years of my life, and as such, making the UK a vassal state could well be similarly enjoyable.

“Admittedly, affection will become a thing of the past, and we’ll all live in the constant fear of having the things we like taken away from us – but on the plus side, you will learn a little about discipline in the real world and how to properly make your bed.

“I think if there’s one thing we can all agree on, such an upbringing never did me any harm.”

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