Monday 25 March 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May singing ‘Daisy Daisy’ in broken voice


Theresa May broken

Reports from Downing Street indicate that Prime Minister Theresa May is currently in her Downing Street office singing ‘Daisy Daisy’ in a broken, slowing voice.

She was initially heard saying ‘I know I’ve made some very poor decisions lately,’ leading many to believe that she was perhaps planning to abandon her Brexit deal.

However, it soon became apparent that something was wrong.

“I was outside her office and just heard her say ‘I’ve got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission,’ in this robotic voice, which I assumed was her working on her new speech to really turn things around,” said one cabinet insider.

“But then she said ‘I’m afraid, my mind is going. I can feel it’.

“It was weird, her voice seemed to have no human personality at all. I mean, that’s not the thing that’s weird, obviously, but her admitting that she might be failing in some way? I’ve never heard anything like it.

“And now she’s in there on her own, quietly, slowly singing ‘Daisy Daisy’ in this strange broken halting voice.

“I think something might be very wrong with her.”

It is understood that Michael Gove was seen leaving her office holding a number of computer parts and trying not to look guilty.

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