Friday 22 March 2019

Hundreds of Brexit gagging orders necessary to stop you getting too excited about our wonderful no-deal preparation, insists Government


No deal preperations

The government has put in place hundreds of gagging order on the businesses and organisations they’ve contracted with as part of their no-deal preparation, purely because they are worried people will get too excited when they realise how brilliant it’s going to be.

As a Freedom of Information request showed that the government has secured secrecy agreements with businesses as wide-ranging as hauliers, public transport companies, infrastructure operators and petrol retailers, citizens have been told it’s purely so they don’t become giddy with anticipating at the wonderment that awaits them.

Government spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Non-disclosure agreements are perfectly normal when you don’t want people to get access to really good news.

“Good news is always best when it’s buried or hidden behind closed doors so that no-one can see or hear about it.

“What we didn’t need at this important time in our nation’s history is millions of people constantly thanking us for the brilliant work we’re doing, and repeatedly asking us when the next piece of amazing news would be made available to them.

“There is only so much back-patting a single department can take.  No, it’s best we just get on with our jobs in the dark where no-one can see what we’re doing.”

Voter Dave Smith told us, “I’m sure there is a management training manual out there that says hiding good news – when everyone thinks you’re hiding bad news – is a really good idea.  But I would suggest that the manual was written by a moron.

“Christ, yesterday they activated an emergency nuclear bunker to help with the no-deal preparations, if that doesn’t give us confidence everything is going swimmingly, I don’t know what will.”

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