Tuesday 19 March 2019 by Lucas Wilde

Bercow and May to fight with hammers


Theresa May and John Bercow to fight with hammers

John Bercow and Theresa May are to settle the Brexit dispute via hammers.

John Bercow invited the ire of the Prime Minister by telling her she couldn’t submit the exact same Brexit deal and hope for the best.

Bercow has responded telling the Prime Minister to “Come on then, you weird, dancing twat.”

“It’s a strange fight because everyone kind of wants them both to lose,” said Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“So it is with that same spirit in mind that we’re going to give them each a pair of claw hammers and let them go at it in the car park of The Tap and Spile.”

Citizen and violence enthusiast, Elizabeth King, said, “It’s nice to see the government finally giving the people what they want.

“I’ve rather tuned out of the Brexit thing at this point as it’s reminiscent of watching my husband try to do the kids’ homework; as in he can’t do it, and it’s making him cross, and the promises he made to the kids will remain entirely unfulfilled.

“But two senior politicos battering the shit out of each other with hammers? Sold.”

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