Monday 11 March 2019 by Pete Redfern

Theresa May stuns nation by not cancelling meaningful vote at last minute


Theresa May meaningful vote

British Prime Minister and stain on the nation’s history Theresa May has silenced her critics by not cancelling tomorrow’s meaningful vote at the eleventh hour.

After maintaining a decent track record in cancelling votes at the last minute, Theresa May has confirmed that tomorrow’s vote will definitely go ahead… well, probably.

“Well, I think I have run the clock down enough, and kicked the can far enough down the road, among other various metaphors, to ensure that my deal is backed tomorrow,” she told cabinet members this morning.

“And now that the success of my deal going through it pretty much guaranteed, I think we’ll go ahead with it, OK?.

“I was umming and ahhing about it last night but Phillip said to me, ‘Look, old girl, it’s in the bag, it’ll sail through, and in no way will you be fired and give us the peaceful retirement together that I’m longing for’, and you know what – he’s right.

“My deal will get supported tomorrow, and I shall be showered with eternal praise for saving Britain like Margaret Thatcher was before me. See you tomorrow!”

Immediately after she left the room, senior cabinet members reportedly began drawing names out of hat to succeed her.

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