Monday 4 March 2019

Government’s £1.6bn post-Brexit bribe delights morons who don’t realise the EU spends £4bn a year in UK


Brexit funding to be brilliant news

Theresa May’s pledge to spend £1.6bn investing in deprived areas of the UK has been welcomed by the sort of moron who doesn’t realise it’s about 5% of the what the EU currently spends in the same regions.

Despite insisting it has nothing to do with Brexit, the new funding has coincidentally been announced shortly before MPs for these regions are asked to vote on Theresa May’s Brexit deal.

The prime minister explained, “People voted to leave the EU and that gives us the opportunity to spend the money we would have given to the EU here in the UK on the people who need it.

“This £1.6bn over seven years is definitely enough, and will certainly be enough for any Brexiter who wants to see more money spent at home instead of being given to unelected faceless Eurocrats. It has the word billion in it, so they will tell themselves that it must be a huge amount.

“It would help enormously if you could try not to mention that the EU spends £4bn every year in the UK in deprived areas and on projects we won’t fund.  Because if you do the maths, they would have spent £28bn by the time we’ve spent £1.6bn, and that will look bad, even to a hardcore Brexiter.

“So just don’t mention it, deal?”

Simon Williams, a Brexit voter from a formerly industrial run-down northern town, is convinced that the £1.6bn is just the start.

He said, “Nothing you can say will convince me this is not brilliant news. Yes, it’s £1.6bn over seven years today, but next month it will be £350m a week for the NHS. You mark my words.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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