Theresa May to retreat to burrow to slough off winter skin

author avatar by 4 years ago

With snowdrops appearing on the ground and a pleasant warmth in the air, it can only mean that Spring has arrived and the time has come for Theresa May to retreat to her burrow and slough off her winter skin.

The Prime Minister develops a thicker, more resilient hide during November time to provide protection during the winter months. In summer, she will have a thinner, cooler, more translucent skin.

“We expect the PM to return to her burrow following parliamentary business on Friday,” confirmed a number 10 spokesperson.

“The sloughing process will take about a day, and then there will be a day to develop her summer skin.

“We expect her back to work as normal on Monday.”

Although her family burrow is in the village of Sonning near Maidenhead, she uses a specially constructed burrow in the grounds of Downing Street for personal biological renewal during times of national crisis.

“The Prime Minister is a peculiar creature,” confirmed biologist Simon Williams.

“We don’t know exactly how or when it would have developed the process of sloughing off skin for summer, we just know that, whatever creature Theresa May is, at some point during its evolution, it took a different path to that of humans and became more adaptable.”

The Number 10 burrow has been surprisingly well-used of late, with David Cameron using it to groom himself and his wife, and Tony Blair using it to mate.