Friday 8 February 2019 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump announces country-wide roof to prevent alien invasion


Donald Trump looking for aliens

Following an enlightening viewing of Will Smith’s Independence Day, Mr Trump was horrified to learn that there are no plans in place to combat an alien spaceship hovering above Washington and blowing up his house.

“One of the biggest threats to America in 2019 is invasion from space of armies of aliens that may contain criminals, rapists, and middle-eastern people of unknown origin,” said Mr Trump.

“The best way to prevent the aliens from landing is to build a giant roof above the United States. It really is, it is.”

Mr Trump also claimed the roof could have other beneficial effects.

“I am one of the world experts on roofs,” he said.

“I am, because many of the buildings I created have roofs on top of them, and one thing I can tell you about roofs – they keep the rain off.

“So, not only will my roof stop an alien invasion, it will keep us all dry and warm and stop some of the really terrible flooding that we’ve seen in Florida in recent years.

“This is why I hope that Democrats in the House will work with me to provide sixteen squillion dollars to fund this really urgently needed roof.

“I promised to keep the American people safe, and this is how I will do it – together we will build that roof!”

Whilst the roof is unlikely to secure funding, Mr Trump can take comfort in the fact that the plan is marginally less stupid than his plan to build a wall on the Mexican border.

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